Just to say – I’m dreading coming out of lockdown.

For years I’ve felt a failure for not having a career path, for not knowing where I’m going. For, for failing at the things I’ve tried.  Lockdown chaos has meant its almost universally okay to say “My plan didn’t work out.” And maybe I’m okay with that because the pressure I/we were all feeling before is fucking poisonous. And the very levelling, human-to-human experience of vulnerability has afforded us new kinds of intimacy. Empathy .. empathy is better than intimacy.

My worry is that when lockdown ends the same treadmill of social expectations will kick back in and worse [for me] that I’ll allow myself to be drawn under its suffocating mass.