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I have a confession to make. There may be many other confessions like mine, but this one feels so foreign compared to all of the other whispers around me.

I have heard you: you don’t want to return to the office, you want people to wear a mask, you are exhausted. I am there with you…but I am also not.

I have struggled to find my place and path in life, and every time I think I turn a new, positive corner, I end up crashing and burning. All my hard work meant nothing and led to nothing. For years I’ve wanted to burn my college degree, the most expensive thing my parents ever wasted their money on, because it never returned on its promised investment.

Was I stupid? Was I missing something? Why wasn’t opportunity knocking for me when it was greeting everyone else at the front door? I was grinding away at every chance, taking every prescribed step, getting so tired of waiting, of working….so tired…

….was it worth it anymore?

Then pandemic. Then lockup. Then suddenly…opportunity came for me. Finally. I waited so long, where were you? Why now, when so many horrible things are happening to everyone else? When there is so much loss around me, why are you giving this to me now?

Why…are you giving me a chance? Now?

My confession: I have thrived during the pandemic. Despite the thousands of people that have an empty chair at the dinner table tonight, I have been nothing if not blessed during the turmoil.

I hate myself for it.

And I also don’t.

Opportunity doesn’t wait when it arrives.